Dear1 Dear2

I know I should keep my spirits up, for if mummy is sad, baby will feel it too.

But when you dun feel a passion in anything that you do, den what else can I look forward to?

I know that I should keep myself happy;  I really hate this gloomy feeling every weekday!

But if work is crappy and bosses are sucky, den what can I motivate myself to make me  stay?

I know I should motivate myself, cos no one else can solve my own problems except myself.

But long term low morale and discomfort all day long is creating a drain on my emotional health…

I know I should be grateful that I have Dear1 with me, such a nice and loving husband, what else can I ask for more.

Thank you Dear1 for being such a wonderful husband, you really are the most wonderful thing that happen to me and I so adore.

I know I should appreciate all the wonderful things in this world, that being just being is already a blessing indeed.

I know I will be happy with all the lovely things and people around, and that together with Dear1, we will create much more lovely deeds.

- Dear2

I need a bigger goal in life, that is, I need to, not based my self worth from job satisfaction alone.

If habits are hard to quit, one’s personality is even harder to change.  Since graduation 5 years back, Dear2 has always been a systematic worker, and derives much joy from being able to do her work properly.  So when she found that things were not moving at all in the government office that she was working at in her first job, she quit the job just 7 months after being employed, barely fresh after her confirmation.

Since then for her subsequent jobs, Dear2 has been able to associate her job with what she believes in, and derives much fulfillment in what she do.  Until now.  When that feeling 5 years ago is back again. 

Dear2 really feels like throwing in the towel.  She no longer believes in what she is doing, and hardly can align herself with the actions of the management.  This company is simply a time bomb, ticking away only waiting for that moment for the authorities to uncover that ONE BIG THING among so many other mis-practices.  The company no longer do what it preaches, and only those still satisfied with the handsome rewards, and not what it preaches to want to do for the clients, can unemotionally stay on.

Dear2 can see all these problems, and hates all these, but she is bounded.  That’s why she is miserable, miserable becos u dun believe in what u do, and in what the company is doing.  And with a character that prides so much on job satisfaction, this is costing Dear2 a lot of heartaches.

So Dear2 needs a bigger goal in life; she needs detach herself from work, and to find joy in other aspects of life.  It’s not something that she can achieve easily, for she is who she is, but for now, this is the only solution.

Let the work be just a means of earning that $100 per day; let work be just another assignment where u just do it and let it be. If it passes, it passes; if it doesn’t, that doesn’t concern you too for you have already done your part.  Afterall, the company is not yours and you are just a wage earner.

- Dear2

Dear1 and Dear2 finally found a scrape book ideal to make a scrapbook for baby.  And so Dear2 started to take out her box of 8 coloured pens and started to decorate Baby’s Scrapbook on a Saturday morning.  Voila!

Dear1 has been pestering Dear2, what does Dear2 like to do in her free time.  Hmm… Usually on Sats and Suns at home, Dear2 like to tidy up the house, do some cleaning, putting things in the proper place, basically some household chores cos normal days are just too tired to do all these housekeeping.  So with the time spent on doing these work (a little bit here and there simply adds up to a lot of time spent, amazing), Dear2 hardly has spare time to do the other things what Dear1 will do in the meantime while Dear2 is at work, that is play games and surf net.

So with playing games and surfing net as Dear1’s hobbies, Dear1 complains that Dear2 do not have any favourite pastime.  We pondered on this for a long while, until this morning while Dear2 was doing the usual tidying, plus making baby scrapbook, it suddenly occurred to Dear2 that these are indeed what Dear2 likes to do in her free time.  Dear2 gets satisfaction from making the house clean and tidy, hence likes to do these house chores during her free time, which is the weekends.  And as for handicraft, Dear2 has always like to make things since young, be it little boxes or cards for Dear, but just that found it no-time to do so since moving into our own house.

Does a hobby needs to be something big, like making gundam models, volunteer work, a sport, learning a language, baking etc?  Even if it’s mundane household chores, or typical day to day activities like surfing the net, these are what Dear1 and Dear2 derive satisfaction and fulfillment out from doing.

For most of us, we always complain that weekends are always too short, and we look forward to Saturday already on a Monday blue day.  We want to do the things that we like on weekends, but in the meanwhile dread the weekdays day by day until Friday.  For this, it definitely means that we are not enjoying what we do 5 out of 7 days.  If that makes you feel tortured, then simply go do what you like.  (Or like what you do.)

- Dear2

When I was in Primary 6, exams are no big deals.  Unlike kids who normally performed well in class but will freak out during the actual examination, I learnt the trick to exams – do those easy questions first, and leave the harder ones till the back.

I’ll tackle those questions that can be solved, and if I am uncertain with the answer, I’ll mark a tiny circle beside the question number.  If there is a problem that makes my mind go blank, I’ll skip it first, mark a big circle beside the question number, and come back later after going through the paper one round.  Once all the questions have been tackled, I’ll go back to question 1 and do the checking.  At the question with the tiny circle, I’ll answer the question until I am satisfied, and erase away that little circle.  When I reach a question with a big circle, I will carefully and slowly solve the question.  Usually what seems like a difficult problem suddenly looks manageable now, for my brain has already seen it the first time round and was already dissecting the question while the rest of the brain works on the other easier question.  Also, now with ample time in hand as all the other questions have been solved and even if I have spent too much time on this single problem, I know that at least I will not fail with 60% of the paper unanswered.  This comfort boosted my confidence and the big circle is either erased or becomes a small circle now.

This method continues to be with me even until today when I go for professional exams.  During that how-many-hour exam, I will always complete those questions that can be solved, and come back to the harder ones when I have finished the whole paper.  Many a times, it is with these big circle questions that I spent the rest of the exam time until the bell strikes stop.

Life is however not as simple as exams.  No doubt that we encounter problems in our daily life, but the ’small circle big circle’ method of solving problems become not so applicable now.  If we are conscientious, we will make a bigger life problem into a smaller one first (the small circle method), and tackle the rest slowly and later.  However if we choose to escape from it, we will draw a big circle beside the issue, and hopefully come back to it later, but more often than not, wish fervently for it to disappear as soon as possible.  In an exam scenario, there is a time limit, and the maximum duration that you need to face the big circle is until the exam ends.  But in a real life situation, if there is no time limit, most of us only looks at it once, hope that it goes away, looks at it again at a later date, pray that it goes away, and slowly but surely, we forget about it altogether.  That is procrastination, and how many of us can claim innocence to it?

As intelligent people, we know that difficulties do not go away just like that.  If the problem has to be solved, it has to be solved.  Be it putting a small circle or a big circle beside it, it is about putting a circle there first and coming back to tackle it soon. And just as students want to get flying colors in all exams, this can only be achieved if problem sums can be solved, or if you really have no clue to the answer, at least attempt to write something noteworthy.  The point is about giving your best to tackle the problem.  This is the essence of problem solving.

- Dear2