The 5 Love Languages

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Dear1 and I read the book <The 5 Love Languages> recently and we decided to improve our love relationship with this.

A human’s deepest emotional need is the need to feel loved. When a person is married, the person we would most like to love us is our spouse.  Just as when a child really feels loved, she will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, she will misbehave.  When our spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in our love, the whole whole looks bright, and our spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life.  But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.

Nobody can demand love; we can only request love.  But when the-love-that-I-know and the-love-that-you-want are of different languages, we feel like we are room-mates rather than lovers.

Let us first better understand what the 5 languages of love are:

1) Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain said, “I can live for 2 months on a good compliment.”

Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging words, kind words, saying positive things about our spouse when he is not present – these are instances of words of affirmation.

Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from our spouse’s perspective. Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop; what holds us back is often a lack of courage.  A loving spouse can supply that catalyst.

2) Quality Time

Quality Time = Giving someone your undivided attention. These exact 5 words totally embody the whole concept of what it means by “Quality Time”.

One of the common dialect is “Quality Conversation”, which means listening sympathetically and asking questions not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand his thoughts, feelings and hopes, and NOT to analyse problems or offer solutions.

Another dialect is “Quality Activity”, which includes anything that one or both of you have an interest in.

3) Receiving Gifts

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “He was thinking of me when he secured this and gave it to me.”  Such gifts are visual symbols of love.

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a tangible gift and that is the “Gift of Self/ Presence”.  This means the physical presence of your spouse.

4) Acts of Service

“Acts of Service” means doing the things that you know your spouse would like you to do; doing the things that will be meaningful to her if you want to express your love to her.  But do be cautious of the dialect “doing things for her, but not the most important ones”. This can make you do a lot of household chores, but yet she does not feel loved at all.

5) Physical Touch

Need there be more elaborations on this?  Since time immemorial, physical touch has been a way of communicating emotional love, from newborn babies to whatever age.

We need to know our primary love language, and the primary love language of our spouse.  Once this is established, we can choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, because love is a choice. We choose to speak the primary love language of our spouse, whether or not it is natural to us. We are not claiming to have warm, excited feelings; but we are choosing to do it for his or her benefit.

So, learn your spouse’s and your own love language today, and start filling each other’s emotional love tank now.

– Dear2

PS: Here’s our primary language in order of importance with scores.


  • 9 – Words of Affirmation
  • 9 – Quality Time
  • 8 – Physical Touch
  • 4 – Acts of Service
  • 0 – Receiving Gifts


  • 9 – Acts of Service
  • 8 – Quality Time
  • 6 – Physical Touch
  • 4 – Receiving Gifts
  • 3 – Words of Affirmation



Gotta be 1 Year Wiser

Urgh, I’ve been feeling very moody these past few weeks.  Experienced mummies say it’s from breaking up the constant fights during the school holidays.  I guess maybe.  Sometimes I feel like I keep going on repeat mode.  Not twice, but thrice, when Dear1 every now and then frustrates me too.  Urgh!

It’s so hard to constantly be on a positive mood, and I’ve learnt that if I am glum, everyone seems to hear me better.  It’s no use when I tell you things nicely; it’s always here-in-there-out.  But when I put on a glum face, plus a killer stare, instructions are heard perfectly the first time.  I suddenly recalled what my trainer taught us last time: No thoughts, no feelings.  Perhaps I need to put on that self now.

And it also dawned upon me that you really can’t change someone.  Not to the extent that A leopard cannot change it’s spots, but more like if someone is like that, he/she will likely be like that even with age. How many of us have tried to change someone, or hoped that someone changes, only to be disheartened when he/she doesnot?  Your ex-boss, your ex-colleague, your mum/dad, your spouse, your child?  Probably tons of them.

So, no, you really can’t change someone easily.  Unless you are a super religious person, or a super inspired person, a mere mortal like me is unlikely to change someone.  Shape, guide, steer, yes, if you managed to find the right way to do it properly. Change, no.  The easier way is to change your own mindset rather than change the other person.

I’m gonna be 1 year older soon, so I need to be 1 year wiser.  I need to strengthen myself, especially on the emotional end, cos my ambition remains to be a chio mummy.  I need to be a chio mummy whom my 2 girls can look up to, and not a mummy who is always weeping.  How can I tell the kids that crying does not solve problems, when I am always wailing in desperation?  I need to change my mindset to see more good things.  Even though Baby1 frequently sets me off, I need to see the good inside of her, because she really is a good child.

“沒有不好的事情, 只有不好的心情”

Dear1 says if we learn and grow 1% daily, that amounts to 37x growth in a year.  37x sounds incredible, and I don’t think I have that strength now to grow that much.  Perhaps just 0.2% growth daily is good for me.  I need to strengthen my heart, cos I really want our family to be a loving family where all of us can count on one anoother.  For that, I’ll need lots of Dear1’s help too.

– Dear2

Teaching Baby1 programming

Several months ago, I had a few hours with just Baby1 at a Subway restaurant while waiting for Dear2 and Baby2 (they were at a gathering with Dear2’s friends). So, Baby1 and I sat down and began our first programming session.

I had always viewed programming languages, math and music as another form of communication, just like English, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc. Therefore, I want Baby1 and Baby2 to have an appreciation of programming languages.

Programming is something I do on a daily basis, so there’s no need to send the children to programming classes. I will teach them myself. :D

Rather than using popular child friendly starter languages such as Scratch, I thought I would jump right in with an easy to understand language. And we would build a simple game of math so that it would help Baby1 in her Primary 1 & 2 as well. To this end, I chose the LÖVE framework which is based on Lua.

I started by teaching Baby1 basic concepts of strings, numbers and variables, and simple if-then-else control flows. Then, we got down to designing the look and feel of the game. While doing that, I taught her general concepts as such the coordinate systems, what are pixels, RGB values, how a circle is defined by its radius, etc.

Meanwhile, Baby1 had to type quite a bit on the keyboard, so she is picking up keyboard skills and spelling and reading skills as the same time.

We’ve had 3 sessions so far, here are the results at the end of each session.

End of session 1


End of session 2


End of session 3

Looking forward to continuing building this game with Baby1. Jiayou!


Tuition or not Tuition

It’s scary to see the crowds of parents waiting outside Berries or Tien Hsia or Mindchamps on weekends in the malls. And it’s even scarier when the kids come out and you realised that they are only 6/ 7 year olds!?

It’s becoming a national hobby for Singapore families to send their kids for enrichment classes at a young age.  Traditionally, we have tuition classes for the students who cannot cope with school work from school.  In today’s times, tuition classes are the norm; students go for tuition classes whether or not they are able to cope with school work. Tuition classes become the CCA, the core curricula alongside with the school’s teachings.  And enrichment classes are becoming the necessary necessities if you want to up the ante.

There’s enrichment classes for English, Chinese, Math, Science, creative thinking, speech and presentations, money management, etc etc, and we are talking about classes for pre-schoolers.  Pre-schoolers, mind you!  5, 6 year olds who unknowingly “learn” while “playing” in these lessons.  And of course, for every enrichment lesson, time is spent and money $$$$ is spent just so for the kid to learn more things in a structured, fail-proof environment.

I’m glad that at home, Baby1 and Baby2 are exposed to a bit of all these “enrichment programs” through our daily interactions and free play.  The National Library is a good source of knowledge and information so we get a bit of English, Chinese, Math, Science, Money Management etc enrichment through our nightly bedtime stories. And with not-many toys at home to play with, leaving the kids to play with whatever household items they can lay their hands on, creative thinking and speech and presentations are involved. So I really am not too sure why parents will still send their kids to such costly (time and money) enrichment classes?

So far for this past year, I have been coaching Baby1 in her school work.  I’m not really in line with how the teachers conduct their teachings, and very often I merely supplement the curricula with my own style.  I get Baby1 to explain to me why she does her work in that manner, and she’ll tell me “teacher say blah blah blah, blah blah blah”.  Tada, coaching is done!  I’m glad that Baby1 is attentive in class and is eager to learn. And when these pay off in her high scores in tests and assessments, her confidence gets an even bigger boast and she continues to find joy and fun in learning.

So yeah, I am their tuition teacher, yet I am not a tuition teacher. I supplement their quest for learning by sharing with them my knowledge, experiences and values, and I supplement their joy of learning by making learning fun and “invisible”.

As Baby1 and Baby2 grow older day by day, I hope that I can continue to nurture and guide them in their learning journey, in a cool and calm manner (exams are over now so it might be easy to say that now; wait till we enter the academic year again!!!).  For now, I need to continuously “upgrade” myself so as to better fulfill this role.  Gambatte Mummy!

– Dear2

Swimming for Kids

Dear1 and I believed that swimming is an essential skill that all Singapore kids need to have, for obvious reasons that Singapore is but a small island surrounded by waters.  But we waited till Baby2 was old enough so that we can have both Baby1 and Baby2 in the same swimming class, and save us having to make 2 trips for 2 swimming lessons.  :p

After much procrastination, I finally got around to look for a class for Baby1 and Baby2 at the beginning of the year.  Found a class with Baby1’s friend, at Bukit Batok Swimming Complex which is a two bus-stop walk away for us, and on a weekday evening so that it’s not hot nor crowded and with cheaper entrance fees too.  Fantastic!

We had our first lesson on the first week of April, and before the end of September, Baby1 had already went to take the Stage 2 Exam, skipping Stage 1.  Whoosh!

Baby1 had progressed so much in this 6 months.  Initially, she was the one whom I worried more, as she seemed to have more fear than Baby2.  With their back floats on, Baby2 is the one who felt more at ease splashing around and dipping her head into the waters, but Baby1 was so scared of her head in water that she cried.  And you shake your head knowing that a crying child definitely will find swimming even more laborious.

I tried to be assuring, so I’d waved and smile and nod to them every time they finished their laps.  I tried to help, by making them practice their swimming and breathing techniques at home on dry land.  I tried to be encouraging, and gave them prep-talk all the way while walking from home to pool.  When nothing seemed to work, I pretended to be nonchalant and put a book in front of me and my earphones on and told them that I’ll not be looking at them, so just “follow the teacher’s instructions” and swim.

Somehow, something must have clicked within Baby1; either she finally grasped the realization that “teacher is really always right, so just follow teacher’s instructions closely”, or her water confidence has risen when Teacher “threw” them all into the deep deep pool and made them swim back to the pool edge, or she does not dare to defy the sometimes-stern-sometimes-kind teacher.

I must say, Teacher is a very experienced teacher too.  Most other swimming teachers with smaller kids usually start the lesson at the shallower pool, but our Teacher teaches directly at the big pool.  For Baby1’s Swimming Test, Teacher told us not to let Baby1 know that she’s going for a test, cos he knows that she gets scared when she anticipates for it.  On the actual test day with 10 students lined up in queue, she was half oblivious that it was a test and just did her normal routine following the teacher’s instructions.  And cleared Stage 2, phew!

Baby1 is now officially the best swimmer in our family.  She knows freestyle, breast stroke, thread water, diving, and is learning backstroke now.  Conversely, it’s the turn to be worried about Baby2 now.  She’s still reliant on the back float, and cries almost every lesson.  Time to give her lots of hugs, and lots of practice on dry land.

– Dear2

Home Improvement Program

Finally, we get new toilets!

It’s been exactly 10 years since Dear1 and I moved into our own house.  When we did renovations 10 years ago, our ID mentioned that Bukit Batok should be doing HIP soon, so we did not change our wood door and the toilet windows.  10 years on, and it’s finally our turn to do HIP.  -_-  We also don’t know why we allowed our ID to con us into thinking that having the washing machine discharge pipe at the toilet door is acceptable; we’ve tolerated with NOT being able to close the toilet door for the past 10 years.  @_@

Finally it was our turn to do HIP where we changed our 2 toilets, and what a depressing 12 days that was!  I was getting used to the constant LOUD drilling sounds from the neighbors’ houses, but did not anticipate the huge amount of dust and sand, and the inconveniences of being confined to the sole clean room in the house.  It was a messy, gloomy 12 days, but hey, we’ve experienced some sliver linings too. :)

For the first time in 10 years, I spoke to many more neighbors than I have in the past 10 years.  We asked each other about the progress of our toilets; we groused about the massive cleaning afterwards; we offered toilet paper when we bump into each other at the temporary toilets at the void deck.  Wow.

Baby1 and Baby2 also displayed kindness to Dear1 and I when they offered to exchange their comfy beds with our hard makeshift mattresses.  After the first night, Dear1 and I experienced blue blacks on our hips from sleeping on the floor.  Baby1 offered to exchange beds first, and also persuaded Baby2 to continue sleeping on the floor for the rest of the HIP.  Such sweetness from the kids, aww…..

Being holed up in the kids room the whole time also made me slow down my “fast-paced” SAHM life when there’s literally no housework to do.  I become soooo bored that I started to take out the kids’ coloring book to color.  I also made various beautiful flowers with the kids’ construction blocks everyday.  That’s why they say kids need to be bored, so that they can find creative ways in a limited situation.  Same goes for adults I guess, heehee…

Not cooking for 2 weeks also make me appreciate my own cooking.  I was hung up on cooking homecook meals 5 days a week.  So much effort put in but so little appreciation.  During the HIP, we had no choice but to eat out every meal every day.  Though food is literally right across the road for us, but after 12 days of eating out, homecooked meals is still the best. :p

The best thing that happened because of HIP must be the throwing out of the spare sink that we’ve stored in the storeroom for the past 10 years.  We had an extra sink as we did not install it in the kitchen toilet.  We’ve faithfully kept it in the store for 10 years, you know, just in case we’ll ever need it.  Now that we have a brand new sink, so adieu you sink, and stop taking up precious storeroom space!

It was a difficult 12 days of HIP, but I’m glad that we have gone through it well.  We took care of each other, and the kids were so sweet to Mummy and Papa.  Now our toilets are always bright and privacy included!

– Dear2

Food, Food, Food!

I have a super love-hate relationship with food.

All of us need food; for energy, for nutrients, or for comfort.  How nice if we can eat all the nice and yummy foods all to our hearts content.  But the problem with food is that it adds bulk, and yummy foods tend to create all the health problems.  “You are what you eat” cannot describe this better enough.

As a SAHM now, I tried to take it upon myself to prepare home-cooked meals for Dear1, Baby1 and Baby2.  They say home-cooked foods are healthier as you know what you put into the food.  I say, provided you choose to put only wholly organic, wholly unseasoned, and wholly unprocessed foods onto your plates.  Theoretically, this sounds like an awesome healthy plan; practically, you’ve got no idea how tedious this is!

99% of whole foods taste bland without any seasonings. “Is the food nice?” is a very subjective question, and nowadays I find it meaningless to ask this question. If the food is nice, it’s probably because of the ample amount of seasonings used to bring out the flavour; if the food is not nice, it tends to be healthier because less seasonings are used but most people will shun and go “bleh”.  The most depressing role of a SAHM is when you spend efforts to cook up a healthy meal, only to get rated “thumbs down” by Baby1 and Baby2 for blandness.  You only deal with 3 customers day-in-day-out everyday, and only Dear1 is supportive of natural sweetness, so that’s pretty demoralising KPIs.  Letting the kids eat their favourite wonton mee from the market everyday sounds like a more sure-proof way to get them to finish their meals fast, everyday.

To get the kids to appreciate food (or the efforts used in preparing food), we’ve recently started to get them to say thanks at the dining table. The one thing that I like about Korean culture is, they always say thanks.  Thanks to the person who spent efforts to prepare the food, and being appreciative of the food (I mean, how fortunate that we get food, what’s more yummy food on the table; think about the poor people in third world countries).  The kids are just getting the hang of this.  Hopefully this makes them appreciate food + effort more, and don’t waste food.

Recently I’ve also started to teach Baby1 to cook too.  Since young, she likes to play with cooking toys, so instead of playing, let’s do some real cooking!  It’s heartening to see how eager she wants to do all the hands-on work, and the pride on her face when we say thanks to her (only) when she single-handedly prepared her first ever roast pork long bean rice for dinner.  She’s fascinated watching MasterChef Junior too, but I’m not entirely prepared for her to be one yet; can I trust her to handle all the sharp cutting, hot oils and pans, electrical appliances, as well as food hygiene?

You are what you eat.  I know, I should cook more at home, cos it’s really hard to achieve the healthy plate when you eat out.  It’s so convenient to dabao, especially when food is literally available right across the road.  Hawker food tends to be loaded with more carbo and flavourings, so home-cook can better achieve that healthy plate of half fruits and vegetables, one quarter proteins, and one quarter carbo.  PM also says we need to tackle the problem of diabetes, so I guess we really need to change our mindset of eating bowlfuls of rice/ noodles, and exercise more.

– Dear2