Urgh, I’ve been feeling very moody these past few weeks. Experienced mummies say it’s from breaking up the constant fights during the school holidays. I guess maybe. Sometimes I feel like I keep going on repeat mode. Not twice, but thrice, when Dear1 every now and then frustrates me too. Urgh!
It’s so hard to constantly be on a positive mood, and I’ve learnt that if I am glum, everyone seems to hear me better. It’s no use when I tell you things nicely; it’s always here-in-there-out. But when I put on a glum face, plus a killer stare, instructions are heard perfectly the first time. I suddenly recalled what my trainer taught us last time: No thoughts, no feelings. Perhaps I need to put on that self now.
And it also dawned upon me that you really can’t change someone. Not to the extent that A leopard cannot change it’s spots, but more like if someone is like that, he/she will likely be like that even with age. How many of us have tried to change someone, or hoped that someone changes, only to be disheartened when he/she doesnot? Your ex-boss, your ex-colleague, your mum/dad, your spouse, your child? Probably tons of them.
So, no, you really can’t change someone easily. Unless you are a super religious person, or a super inspired person, a mere mortal like me is unlikely to change someone. Shape, guide, steer, yes, if you managed to find the right way to do it properly. Change, no. The easier way is to change your own mindset rather than change the other person.
I’m gonna be 1 year older soon, so I need to be 1 year wiser. I need to strengthen myself, especially on the emotional end, cos my ambition remains to be a chio mummy. I need to be a chio mummy whom my 2 girls can look up to, and not a mummy who is always weeping. How can I tell the kids that crying does not solve problems, when I am always wailing in desperation? I need to change my mindset to see more good things. Even though Baby1 frequently sets me off, I need to see the good inside of her, because she really is a good child.
Dear1 says if we learn and grow 1% daily, that amounts to 37x growth in a year. 37x sounds incredible, and I don’t think I have that strength now to grow that much. Perhaps just 0.2% growth daily is good for me. I need to strengthen my heart, cos I really want our family to be a loving family where all of us can count on one anoother. For that, I’ll need lots of Dear1’s help too.