- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Dear1 and I read the book <The 5 Love Languages> recently and we decided to improve our love relationship with this.
A human’s deepest emotional need is the need to feel loved. When a person is married, the person we would most like to love us is our spouse. Just as when a child really feels loved, she will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, she will misbehave. When our spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in our love, the whole whole looks bright, and our spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.
Nobody can demand love; we can only request love. But when the-love-that-I-know and the-love-that-you-want are of different languages, we feel like we are room-mates rather than lovers.
Let us first better understand what the 5 languages of love are:
1) Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain said, “I can live for 2 months on a good compliment.”
Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging words, kind words, saying positive things about our spouse when he is not present – these are instances of words of affirmation.
Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from our spouse’s perspective. Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop; what holds us back is often a lack of courage. A loving spouse can supply that catalyst.
2) Quality Time
Quality Time = Giving someone your undivided attention. These exact 5 words totally embody the whole concept of what it means by “Quality Time”.
One of the common dialect is “Quality Conversation”, which means listening sympathetically and asking questions not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand his thoughts, feelings and hopes, and NOT to analyse problems or offer solutions.
Another dialect is “Quality Activity”, which includes anything that one or both of you have an interest in.
3) Receiving Gifts
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “He was thinking of me when he secured this and gave it to me.” Such gifts are visual symbols of love.
There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a tangible gift and that is the “Gift of Self/ Presence”. This means the physical presence of your spouse.
4) Acts of Service
“Acts of Service” means doing the things that you know your spouse would like you to do; doing the things that will be meaningful to her if you want to express your love to her. But do be cautious of the dialect “doing things for her, but not the most important ones”. This can make you do a lot of household chores, but yet she does not feel loved at all.
5) Physical Touch
Need there be more elaborations on this? Since time immemorial, physical touch has been a way of communicating emotional love, from newborn babies to whatever age.
We need to know our primary love language, and the primary love language of our spouse. Once this is established, we can choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, because love is a choice. We choose to speak the primary love language of our spouse, whether or not it is natural to us. We are not claiming to have warm, excited feelings; but we are choosing to do it for his or her benefit.
So, learn your spouse’s and your own love language today, and start filling each other’s emotional love tank now.
PS: Here’s our primary language in order of importance with scores.
- 9 – Words of Affirmation
- 9 – Quality Time
- 8 – Physical Touch
- 4 – Acts of Service
- 0 – Receiving Gifts
- 9 – Acts of Service
- 8 – Quality Time
- 6 – Physical Touch
- 4 – Receiving Gifts
- 3 – Words of Affirmation